Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
