She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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