Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize