I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
