The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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