I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
