new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
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