wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
