its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
