Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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