I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
