Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
