i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
