On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
