I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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