i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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