I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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