this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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