I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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