he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
