my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
