Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
