He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize