When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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