i just wanna soil my oats bro
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
