you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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