new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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