I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
