I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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