Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
