my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
