This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize