We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
