On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
