The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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