ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
