A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
