you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
