Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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