I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
