Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
