whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Randomize
