I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
