i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
The best revenge is premature balding
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Randomize
