who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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