I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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