And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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