Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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