when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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