the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
