I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
