Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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