covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
