oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
