so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize