we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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