I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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