Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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