My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
