i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
