the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Michael Bay diarrhea
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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