bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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