i just wanna soil my oats bro
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
why do cheetos always look like penises
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
