how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i just sent this text using only my big toe
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
