Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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