I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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